I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize