I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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