Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
