Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
