Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
soo... how was my night?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
