are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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