GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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