my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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