Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Randomize
