ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
even my farts smell like vagina
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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