My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
