I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
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