I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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