What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize