Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
