well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Randomize
