Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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