The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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