ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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