The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
