This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
