dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
