If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
