The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
