I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
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