The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
