I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
my liver is dry heaving
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
