Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Let's get the cat blown out
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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