Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
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His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
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They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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