i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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