hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
it hurts more in the daytime
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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