I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Randomize
