Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
