You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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