You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
40s are totally the cure
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
