You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
it's like heaven, but drunker
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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