Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
