this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
