she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
