Betty ford says i'm here all night
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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