marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
