I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
