i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
