I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
