Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I want a musical about memes.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
