we have officially lost it.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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