Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
