And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
