Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
