so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
