I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
