Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
