Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize