Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
