Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
