take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
