And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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