i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
