He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
