Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
