i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
be right there i have to get my cape
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
