That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
