i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
