Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
