you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
