I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
