ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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