This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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