Say something about gay babies.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
