Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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