Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
