wanna go halves on a baby?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
