dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
