The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
